We put such stock into our scientific theories, but the reality is...we know so very little for certain. Accepted theories of what we take to be true change consistantly. We should therefore be open to ideas and possibilities that perhaps lie outside the box.

Don't be so quick to judge or dismiss things like UFO's, paranormal activity, or parallel dimensions just becuase they don't fit into what we think we know.

Just remember that the universe may very well be infinite, and we can't even venture out of our solar system.

I heard he tried to kill himself.
This makes me feel horrible.
Sometimes I feel guilty that he had everything taken away, and I gained all I ever wanted.
But I always told him that being such a negative person will only attract negative energy.
All of his greatest fears manifested, I believe, from focusing too intently on them.

So while he pointed a finger and tried to shut me out from the world,
I poured my energy into a snowy landscape and a rose quartz.

You don't have to believe in magick,
but I wished so hard for you...

There are times I think it's not even fair how one person can be so beautiful.

What have I done to deserve this?
Surely it must be a mistake.
A cosmic joke of sorts...

It's six am and I'm exhausted.
But I can't miss this opportunity to open my eyes and look.
The profile of his face is contrasted by the growing light in the window.
I map and memorize every line.
I study intensely, the language of his breathing.
The energy pulsing from me is so strong, I fear it will wake him.

I am eternally grateful to the universe.
When we coalesced from star dust, it created a sacred space.
A niche in his arms for me to collapse into.

Breathe in
Breathe in

Don't wake darling
Just keep me in mind

The world is a dream
But I know those eyes are safely wrapped away

I'll be waiting
I'll be waiting

I am sorry that she beats so wildly for you
The rhythm can be difficult to dance to

And damn near impossible to articulate

The long nights have never been more lovely.
I revel in the new act of conversation.
These thoughts I ponder no longer require a lock and key.
Intervention haunts me no more.
Though my mouth is still struggling to form the words, the ideas swim and swirl, radiating outward.

Fear shows its face sometimes...tapping me on the shoulder...
whispering in my ear...speaking like thorns on a vine.
This bull will certainly not charge knowing there is a stinger lying in wait.


But he pushes his tongue to his teeth when he laughs...
And this, I can't resist.

There is a creature who provokes such desire in me that it's rediculous.

hopelessly waiting,
waiting for you.

I feel like a peeping tom,
as I watch him walk to work each day.

Apparently the combination of bloodletting, three extra-strength Tylenol and two bowlpacks make me feel like I'm under the influence of 8 Tylenol PMs.

I somehow just got my ass kicked.

The amazing energy in here leaves my head swimming.

Swimming, swimming, swimming...

Changes come

Is it weird that I don't really miss him?
I was 19 years old. That feels like eons ago to me now.

I tried on his life, his friends, his opinions.
You don't buy what doesn't fit you.

I hope he's ok, wherever he is...
but I've finally climbed out of the hole I had sunk into.

When people ask me how I'm doing now, I say fuckin' great.

Cyberethnicpharmacology

Upheavals and moving into a new place has left me little time for reading lately.

But I've decided to jump-start the fairly obsessive habit I have for devouring books in search of knowledge on the unknowable, by reading The Invisible Landscape by Terence and Dennis McKenna.

Seriously, someone once thought I needed an intervention...

Not that I needed convincing buying the book, but the quotes on it sold me.

"One of the most mind-boggling books I've ever read." - Jerry Garcia

"If only a fraction of McKenna's thought is true, he will some-day be regarded as the Copernicus of consciousness..." -The Village Voice

I agree.

Haunted

The reason for my mood.
She's been inside me.

Bloodlust

I need energy in the tune of a beating heart.
I'm bleeding heavily and struggling to remain intact.
It's difficult to ask so I remain silent.
Don't be surprised when you find me.

Semi Constructive Criticism

You can attempt to tear me to shreds, but I'm still standing.

Thoughts on Birth and Disease

Recently everyone around me is seemingly pregnant. Due to the fact that I have an extremely large family, I have all of the stories and details readily available.

I've never been pregnant or given birth, so that puts me on the outside of this issue looking in. But it seems to me that we have completely lost touch with the natural process of birth.

For years now I've been contemplating this issue and have been extremely interested in alternatives...midwifery, water births, etc. And recently, I've watched a documentary called "The Business of Being Born" which renewed my interest ten-fold. I myself, will probably never reproduce, but I feel it's important to spread the message to others who will.

"The Business of Being Born" shows how our society has taken a natural process and authentic rite of passage, and turned it into a medical emergency that the female body cannot handle alone.

How then, do these people assume the human race- nay, life itself, has evolved thus far?

I am not saying that the process of natural birth is always easy and pain free, but I feel it's an authentic experience that most women are missing out on. We've numbed ourselves to the point of not wanting to feel anything. If we feel the slightest discomfort, we take a pill. If we experience emotional lows, we take more pills, or attempt to drown it out with drugs and alcohol. How can we expect to be fully rounded human beings without being aware and working through our own processes?

It's sad that the most popular type of birth in the U.S. is a "designer birth", a scheduled cesarean section immediately followed with a tummy tuck. We're literally ripping our young from our bodies, whether they are ready or not. And it's been studied and documented that women who have cesareans are not as emotionally attached to their child as those who go through vaginal birth.

I implore you women who plan to have a child, to take back your power, stay out of the damn hospital, and trust your own body. You will know what to do. All of your ancestors did.

If you trust hospitals to heal and save us, you have not been given all the information. I have refused medical care and health insurance for years now. If you can't understand why, look into it for yourself. The medical industry in America is big business, with money to be made. There are people getting fat and rich off of your misery and loss.

If you haven't seen Michael Moore's movie "Sicko", I highly recommend you do. Also, I just watched a very informative documentary called, "The Gerson Miracle". This one shows how horrible diseases including cancer are cured every single day, through natural diet and detoxification. It's interesting to note that this method, though it is completely natural and harmless, is illegal in this country!

When will we turn ourselves around and realize we do more harm than good to ourselves and each other? The medical industry should NOT be a money producing conglomerate. When did the focus shift from healing? I wouldn't even go to a hospital to die, never mind get well. Granted, some good can come from their discoveries and practices, such as certain surgeries, etc. But it still needs to be redressed and reworked.

Don't Dither While Rome Burns

"In a way, it’s the poets that have failed us. Because they have not provided a song or sung a vision that we could all move in concert to. So now we are in the absurd position of being able to do anything, and what we are doing is fouling our own nest and pushing ourselves towards planetary toxification and extinction. This is because the poets, the artists, have not articulated a moral vision. The moral vision must come from the unconscious. It doesn’t have to do, I believe, with these post-meaning movements in art; deconstructionism and this sort of thing. Arts task is to save the soul of mankind, and that anything less is a dithering while Rome burns... because if the artists, who are self-selected for being able to journey into the "other", if the artist cannot find the way, then the way cannot be found."
- Terence Mckenna, part of a lecture titled "Opening the Doors of Creativity"

If you understand what Terence is saying here, then you can appreciate why Maynard James Keenan and his projects are important.

I truly believe that he is one of the few who point the way with their medium. Just like the mushroom, if you're brave enough to take his ideas in high doses, you'll experience the effect. Now let me clarify that it does not mean we are free to ingest his essence as we please. It's only his art that we need take from. Leave the artist free to do his work. Isn't it extremely selfish to ask for more?

Now I know that there will be some who will roll their eyes, assuming I'm simply idolizing. But before you do, make sure that you are not judging without valid information. You cannot judge an artist by his fans. Those who follow blindly are not the important thing to focus on here. Instead, turn the spotlight onto what he has to say.

I also know that Maynard does not want to wear a crown for these people, or anyone. This fact alone should lend credence to his credulity. Anyone who claims allegiance without being deeply immersed in the subversive...sacred geometry, archaic science and shamanism, psychedelics, magic, male and female polarity, political hypocrisy, and the like...should not be used as an instrument of measurement.

This, I believe, is the unfortunate predicament these artists have found themselves in. Hell, I'd be bitter and reclusive about it too.

People didn't understand Jesus either. So they fuckin' crucified him.

I have built this to remember...

Upon going through old things that I've saved, I stumbled upon two poems written for me years ago. Tears welled in my eyes. The author is an old friend, Julie. Someone who was only in my life for a short period of time. And if I'd known it would be so short, I would have soaked up more. She was truly a guiding shaman in my time of greatest need. I love and respect her more than she knows.

I watch thoughts claw their way to the surface inside you
Only to be met with submission
In your eyes I am compelled to recall the sensation of drowning
The rhythmic reclamation of so much water
You are the cage and the captured
The selchie and the skin
Within you a thousand wings are beating
And I have built this to remember the occasional phrases that slip
And with the fever of their release
Surround us like a sudden season

-J

What part of yourself are you protecting
With evasion and silent smiles
What wound still open and seething
On your skin would you not allow to be seen
Although it would be the part I'd most adore
First to be held
First to be loved
Even in these casual exchanges
I am thinking of it with reverence
The pain that is the source of all your power in my eyes

-J

When I met Jules, I felt like a lost little girl in the presence of a wild and powerful Priestess. One who was stern yet gentle and kind. She taught me more things of value in such a short time, than I had learned from anyone previously.

At the time, I thought I was just lucky to have caught her attention. Now I believe she saw something in me that I didn't even know was there. I'd hoped it was there...but never really believed it.

I struggle to remember if I was ever truly myself in front of her. There's something about intimidation and being in the presence of something holy, that makes me quiet. It's like I was holding my breath, waiting for the gold to be released from her mouth in words, or her hands in art. And I would take my treat like a dog, and sit quietly waiting for another.

She must have thought I was such a bore. Such a lost child. I only hope someday, I can redeem myself.

Jules also owns the most lovely pair of hands I've ever seen.

10 things you may not know.

1. Though I love all animals, I'm a total cat person.

This is Blah's cat who loved me a lot.

The black one is my own buddy Chainsaw. And next is my spiritual friend Princess (who's original name was Machete, but she seemed to only respond to Princess).

2. I don't waste my breath talking to people who don't listen. If I'm telling a story and I am interrupted without apology or cause, I don't finish the story. Have you noticed that many people in fact, do not listen at all? They seem to be only waiting for their turn to speak. I do not enjoy these people's company.

3. I have a bad habit of never looking at strangers. I feel as if I've been trained to avert my eyes. For instance, if I buy something in a convenience store, and you asked me what the person at the counter looked like...most times I would have to say "I don't know". I'm working on this daily.

4. When I was a child, my greatest fears were death, aliens and giving birth. As an adolescent, my greatest fears were possession and being alone. As an adult, I can honestly say that nothing really scares me anymore.

5. I have a good time manipulating the ideas of beauty.

6. I do not enjoy sleeping alone.

7. I think people should dress up more. I'm sick of seeing people in pajamas at the grocery store. Am I old fashioned? Come on, just make an effort people... It's like we've just given up.

8. Eric Hoffer once said that rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength. I fully agree. I do not tolerate rudeness.

9. I hate that I'm addicted to coffee and want to quit...but then what will I have left in terms of small indulgences?

10. All of my spiritual beliefs are based on science. I stand directly in the center where science and spirit meet.

And that's the end of your lesson for today.

Shut up and smoke that.

Everyone should see this movie. Period. Seriously, I'm considering sending it to my grandparents.

Very well done, eye opening and intelligent. I didn't expect much going into it...but was very pleasantly surprised. Just watch the trailer:


And say what you want, but I like Joe Rogan.

Oh, also...if you're smart enough to smoke pot, then you'll love Bill Hicks:

Enlightening AND Entertaining!

Current book wish-list:
Every single comic book released by Gotham Chopra (Deepak's son). I stumbled across The Sadhu at a comic store and read parts one and two on the spot. Not only is the story amazing and rich with wisdom, the art is dark and beautiful.


Apparently, The Sadhu is being made into a movie with Nicholas Cage. I'm extremely excited.

From Ramayan:


From Devi:

Brody's back!

oh how I love her.

Don't give in to astonishment!

The programmed thoughts I had about psychedelic drugs are vastly crumbling. Hallucinations were deemed 'not real' surely by someone who had never had the experience of it.

Well what is real then? We know so little of this universe that is amazingly complex and beautiful in its simplicity. We know so little and presume so much. We presume to have a grasp on reality. How we think things should be.

Could Terence Mckenna's machine elves and Drunvalo Melchizedek's Hathors be one and the same? The Hathors can be found prominently in ancient Egyptian structures.

Drunvalo describes them as:

"Fourth-dimensional beings on the higher overtones of Venus. They are the most intelligent consciousness in this solar system, and they function as the headquarters of central office for all life under our Sun. The Hathors love is on a level of Christ consciousness. They use vocal sounds as their means of communicating and performing feats within their environment."

At about minute one or two of a DMT trip, according to McKenna, one may burst through a chrysanthemum-like mandala, and find:

There's a whole bunch of entities waiting on the other side, saying "How wonderful that you're here! You come so rarely! We're so delighted to see you!"

They're like jewelled self-dribbling basketballs and there are many of them and they come pounding toward you and they will stop in front of you and vibrate, but then they do a very disconcerting thing, which is they jump into your body and then they jump back out again and the whole thing is going on in a high-speed mode where you're being presented with thousands of details per second and you can't get a hold on [them ...] and these things are saying "Don't give in to astonishment", which is exactly what you want to do. You want to go nuts with how crazy this is, and they say "Don't do that. Pay attention to what we're doing".

What they're doing is making objects with their voices, singing structures into existence. They offer things to you, saying "Look at this! Look at this!" and as your attention goes towards these objects you realise that what you're being shown is impossible. It's not simply intricate, beautiful and hard to manufacture, it's impossible to make these things. The nearest analogy would be the Fabergé eggs, but these things are like the toys that are scattered around the nursery inside a U.F.O., celestial toys, and the toys themselves appear to be somehow alive and can sing other objects into existence, so what's happening is this proliferation of elf gifts, which are moving around singing, and they are saying "Do what we are doing" and they are very insistent, and they say "Do it! Do it! Do it!" and you feel like a bubble inside your body beginning to move up toward your mouth, and when it comes out it isn't sound, it's vision. You discover that you can pump "stuff" out of your mouth by singing, and they're urging you to do this. They say "That's it! That's it! Keep doing it!".

We're now at minute 4.5 [of the trip] and you speak in a kind of glossolalia. There is a spontaneous outpouring of syntax unaccompanied by what is normally called "meaning". After a minute or so of this the whole thing begins to collapse in on itself and they begin to physically move away from you. Usually their final shot is that they wave goodbye and say "Deja vu! Deja vu!".

Could DMT, then, be a gateway of sorts to the next dimension? Or any dimension? We know DMT occurs in our own brains naturally, they think relating to dreams and near death experiences. But they don't really know.

Could our dreams be a connection to the next dimension? Perhaps we exist on all simultaneously. Or, our dreams could be practice for life in the next dimension. I believe we're definitely not awake or advanced enough to figure out what dreams really are. Which is sad to me, because I feel they must be important on a level we're missing.

Realizing that these things could in fact, be possible...it makes me view DMT and Terance's stories with greater enthusiasm. I feel like I'm salivating over being able to explore this reality. Experience is everything, right? Psychedelics are not for everyone, that's for sure. That's why we have shamans.

So in saying that, I have to decide. Do I want to be a shaman?
Am I smart enough? Prepared enough?
Is courage really the only thing you need?

Life is a multi-ethnic gypsy punk band...

You can't live in the past, because the past is already gone. You can't live in the future, because it doesn't exist yet. Be here now. The present moment is all we have.


I hereby give the saddest song ever award to Bob Dylan's cover of Hard Times on Good As I Been To You.


But it's ok...I know a song that cheers me up everytime.


P.S. Best frontman ever? And where are these crazy people so that I may infiltrate and become one?

I can't get it out of my head

I spent all day today thinking about the universe. About particle accelerators and photons. When particles collide, they annihilate each other, disappear as light, and new particles appear out of nowhere.

Destruction/creation- the dance of the universe. There is no death on a very real scale. It's something that’s utterly ludicrous for us to be afraid of. Anyway, contemplating this in my kitchen, I suddenly get cold and grab a hoodie. In the pocket is a pine cone I picked up from the woods. I hold the pine cone and marvel at the beauty. Mathematics really is the language of the universe, that’s no joke.

The number phi is amazing and all over your body. The universe is reminding me that we are all shapes. Geometrical patterns that vibrate at different speeds. Pure energy with tendencies to form patterns. Some think our dimension just happens to vibrate at 9/10ths the speed of light.

Thinking of this makes me think of black holes in a whole new way. What was once frightening to me is now becoming beautiful and exciting. Particles are speeding up to the speed of light and seemingly going out of existence. I absolutely believe they could be doorways into other dimensions.

This thinking also seems to lend credence to 2012, when we'll be aligned with the center of the Milky Way where a huge black hole lies.

Spark Becomes a Flame

(Insert witty line here)

Two words: Peter Jackson + aliens. Period.



Today's thought: Life becomes so strange when you're handed more scientific evidence than you can handle, insisting that our universe is not coincidental.

Lazy Sunday

Bought a new book today. I fell for Amit Goswami when I saw him on "What the Bleep do we Know?". That, and I'm semi-obsessed with Indian culture.





Made an effort to have a new experience today and treated myself to Vietnamese food for the first time. It was incredible. Pho Evergreen in Greenville is pretty much going to be my new favorite haunt.

Following my amazing meal, I treated myself to some alone time at Wilson's lake. I intended to go swimming, but got caught up listening to a Terrance McKenna podcast. Besides, swimming is just not as fun with a partner in crime. I sat on the dock and rocked with the gentle waves, soaking in the stillness.

If I pinch, will you wake?

I drink up this mans words with a thirst so great, that I'm not sure it will ever be quenched.



Get to know Terrance, and all the boundaries of culture will fail. After listening to him speak, I feel a little more free. Sort of like I'm on a path of awakening from sleepwalking. And isn't that what we as a society are doing? We are all sleepwalking. Blindly fumbling through life with our minds in the gutters and our hearts closed down. We expect, and therefore get, the worst.

Just observing people in public can spell it all out for you. I look around and immediately see a majority of overweight people. Now this clearly reflects an imbalance. A disenchantment from the sacred. Our bodies are an essential part of nature, and we destroy it on an inner level the same way we destroy nature on an outer level. We objectify, dominate, pollute and deny our bodies. Simply look at how we treat sexuality. It's absurd! We've been taught to fear...to be ashamed...which leads to guilt and all other kinds of negativity. Molestation and rape. I believe these things would be largely eradicated if we just swept away the old world views. And who gave us these horrid views? Old-world, tight-ass aging men of the churches, mostly. And why did they do this? To gain control. Do you see the parallels to government and media?
Turn off CNN and stop the cultural cramming of garbage down your throat. Open your eyes to nature and realize that you are a spiritual being having a human experience. Your body reflects your mindset to the rest of us. What message are you sending? Educate yourself on what scientists are saying about "mind over matter." These are the things that CNN won't tell you, you need to find out for yourself.

Society needs to stop playing the victim. We let outside influences effect us so profoundly, and take no responsibility. Do you notice that no one smiles at anyone else? No one says hello. We largely ignore each other and wonder why we feel so alone. I mean, if someone smiles at you on the bus, you probably wonder what the hell they want and think it's creepy. It's almost as if we're so chemically addicted to our negative emotions that we just can't quit.

We rush around...becoming enraged when others get in our way...only to rush to jobs that most of us hate. We unhappily work for the concept of paper money to exchange for goods that we (mostly) don't need, for things that destroy the environment and thereby destroying ourselves...and rarely do we ever spend time or money on things that are good for us. That's just too much of a guilt trip there. I can only shake my head. I don't understand this unending cycle. And does the average person on the street realize these things? Or are most of us in such a sleepwalking daze that we can't even wake from the dream?

Before, I felt nothing but contempt for such people and things. But these days I understand that it may all be part of a process. An awakening, if you will. Instead of hating that rude, hateful asshole driving a Hummer...I let that feeling pass and instead feel sorry for them. I think about what state they must be in to allow material things of no consequence to define them, and think that maybe they were denied the love they needed in life. And if we're denied love from the beginning, how are we ever going to be able to feel and express it to others? I retain the thought that I'm connected to every other human being. I mean, how can we heal if those of us who are preaching love and acceptance secretly hate those who don't? That would be another endless and not to mention, pointless cycle.

Author Drunvalo Melchizedek wrote about how we need to love even those of us who are destroying us, the governments and churches, etc. If we make positive changes within ourselves first, then they will manifest in our world. According to quantum physics, this is exactly what happens. Our world is in the state it's in because it reflects what's inside of us! So maybe you can't outwardly change the world...but maybe you can do it inwardly with ease. I believe this is why Mother Teresa refused to participate in anti-war protests and rallies. She understood this concept and told them to call her when they decided to have a peace rally instead.

All these pictures are from the brilliant magazine Adbusters. Go to adbusters.org to have your mind blown.

Detach

-Sometimes I wonder if Deja Vu could be an effect of time travel. Maybe all of this has already happened, and occasionally we pick up on that. It's certainly a possibility.



-I crave this wine the way I crave coffee.














-I've been contemplating the four noble truths of the Buddha. Attachment is the cause of our suffering. I really agree with that. And today I read:

"If we make future, Galactic Alignment, 2012 and pursuit of enlightenment a goal, thus an attachment, we will suffer."

I've been ruthless in my pursuit of some sort of understanding. And now I've come to understand that even noble attachments count.

Michael Hussar

Here I go...falling in love again. This time, with an artist named Michael Hussar. His work is gothic and dark, yet filled with bright whites and deep reds. Beautiful and frightening.

Yatta!

Just when I'd given up on new TV shows, Heroes comes to my rescue. My brother kept telling me to give it a shot and I'd probably like it, but for the longest time, I just wasn't interested. How stupid I was.

What's not to like about this show? It has everything a geek like me loves: time travel, super powers, genetics, evolution, blurring the line of good and evil, lovable bad guys (Sylar)...not to mention amazing story lines with incredible syncronicity.

My favorite character? Hiro. For sure. And he has one the best single powers. But Sylar and Peter are not far behind.

So thanks to the writers for making a show for the rest of us.

A Fountain of Blood in the Shape of a Girl

While you are away, my heart comes undone, slowly unravels, in a ball of yarn.

Ideas About Reality

This book found me at a Salvation Army. I split her down the middle and took until I was satisfied. Here are some of her most interesting parts:

Not only do we influence our reality, but, in some degree, we actually create it.

We cannot eliminate ourselves from the picture. We are a part of nature, and when we study nature there is no way around the fact that nature is studying itself.

Quantum mechanics views subatomic particles as "tendencies to exist" or "tendencies to happen."

The mind is such that it deals only with ideas. It is not possible for the mind to relate to anything other than ideas. Therefore, it is not correct to think that the mind actually can ponder reality. All that the mind can ponder is its ideas about reality.

The subjective experience of wonder is a message to the rational mind that the object of wonder is being perceived and understood in ways other than the rational. The next time you are awed by something, let the feeling flow freely through you and do not try to "understand" it. You will find that you do understand, but in a way that you will not be able to put into words.

We cannot establish clearly that we are different from inorganic substances. That means that, logically, we must admit that we may not be alive. Since this is absurd, the only alternative is to admit that "inanimate" objects may be living. The distinction between organic and inorganic is a conceptual prejudice.

The philosophical implication of quantum mechanics is that all of the things in our universe (including us) that appear to exist independently are actually parts of one all-encompassing organic pattern, and that no parts of that pattern are ever really separate from it or from each other.

Some physicists, like E. H. Walker, speculate that photons may be conscious!

In short, the physical world, according to quantum mechanics, is not a structure built out of independently existing unanalyzable entities, but rather a web of relationships between elements whose meanings arise wholly from their relationships to the whole.

Our experience tells us that the physical world is solid, real, and independent of us. Quantum mechanics says, simply, that this is not so.

We are actualizing the universe. Since we are part of the universe, that makes the universe (and us) self-actualizing.

Since the wave function is thought to be a complete description of physical reality and since that which the wave function describes is idea-like as well as matter-like, then physical reality must be both idea-like and matter-like. In other words, the world cannot be as it appears.

The Cogs in the Machine have become the Creators of the Universe. If the new physics has led us anywhere, it is back to ourselves, which, of course, is the only place that we could go.

The world of matter is a relative world, and an illusory one: illusory not in the sense that it does not exist, but illusory in the sense that we do not see it as it really is.

The law of the conservation of mass-energy says that the total amount of mass-energy in the universe always has been and always will be the same. Mass may be converted into energy and energy may be converted into mass, but the total amount of mass-energy in the universe does not change.

If we could see the geography (the geometry) of the space-time continuum, we would see that, similarly, it, and not "forces between objects," is the reason that planets move in the ways that they do.

"Matter" is actually a series of patterns out of focus. The search for the ultimate stuff of the universe ends with the discovery that there isn't any. If there is any ultimate stuff of the universe, it is pure energy, but subatomic particles are not "made of" energy, they are energy. Subatomic interactions, therefore, are interactions of energy with energy.

According to particle physics, the world is fundamentally dancing energy; energy that is everywhere and incessantly assuming first this form and then that. What we have been calling matter (particles) constantly is being created, annihilated, and created again. This happens as particles interact and it also happens, literally, out of nowhere.

The world view of particle physics is a picture of chaos beneath order.

The world view of particle physics is that of a world without "stuff," where what is = what happens, and where an unending tumultuous dance of creation, annihilation, and transformation runs unabated within a framework of conservation laws and probability.

If, at the quantum level, the flow of time has no meaning, and if consciousness is fundamentally a similar process, and if we can become aware of these processes within ourselves, then it also is conceivable that we can experience timelessness. For this reason, reports of time distortion and timelessness from gurus in the East and psychotropic drug users in the West ought not, perhaps, to be discarded peremptorily.

According to Buddhist theory, reality is "virtual" in nature. What appear to be "real" objects in it, like trees and people, actually are transient illusions which result from a limited mode of awareness. The illusion is that parts of an overall virtual process are "real" (permanent) "things." "Enlightenment" is the experience that "things," including "I," are transient, virtual states devoid of separate existences, momentary links between illusions of the past and illusions of the future unfolding in the illusion of time.

The history of scientific thought, if it teaches us anything at all, teaches us the folly of clutching ideas too closely. To this extent it is an echo of eastern wisdom which teaches us the folly of clutching anything.

That which is is that which is. That which is not is that which is. There is nothing which is not that which is. There is nothing other than that which is. Everything is that which is. We are a part of that which is. In fact, we are that which is.

What happens here is intimately and immediately connected to what happens elsewhere in the universe, which, in turn, is intimately and immediately connected to what happens elsewhere in the universe, and so on, simply because the "separate parts" of the universe are not separate parts.

"Reality" is what we take to be true. What we take to be true is what we believe. What we believe is based upon our perceptions. What we perceive depends upon what we look for. What we look for depends upon what we think. What we think depends upon what we perceive. What we perceive determines what we believe. What we believe determines what we take to be true. What we take to be true is our reality.

Concerning the Business of Death

This five disc DVD set on consciousness is what I'm currently watching. I only have disc five left to watch and I can already say that I highly recommend it.

It's from 2005, so not completely up to date but still worth watching. Anyone who consistently thinks about life, consciousness, dreams, the brain, etc. should enjoy this. The series isn't biased one way or another so you are free to explore different possibilities of why we have consciousness.

For instance, is this thing we call consciousness something that is produced by our evolved brain? Many scientists are currently researching this. This would seem to imply that we essentially are our brains, and it produces this almost illusory state for us. Or perhaps, consciousness is a preexisting state or being which our evolved brains happen to tap into.

My view falls in between these two sides. I can't help but think of consciousness/spirit as something that underlies the universe. A cosmological constant, if you will. It would seem to be infinite and unending, but who knows, really. And the material world is a sort of virtual reality for consciousness to play in. Remember how the T1000 terminator could melt down and become anything? Now imagine he is consciousness when in this melted blob-like state. But instead of becoming one thing, he becomes all things. Each person, plant, animal, planet, galaxy, etc. Isn't this akin to what most mystics say? That I am you and you are me?

A scientist in the What the Bleep do we Know? movie has an analogy for this that I like to use. She said it may be like consciousness is the cookie dough- the batter where we are all one being/spirit...and we materialize in the physical world of matter with the illusion that we are separate and different, when really we are all just cookies from the same dough. Looking through this lens, our bodies seem to be like clothes we try on for a while then discard.

If this were true, and I believe the evidence is piling up...then we need to retool the way we think about death. Our customs and rituals when it comes to death seem so outdated and hopelessly morbid. Think about it, it's becoming increasingly clear that we don't really die. And yet, we preserve the dead so horridly, lay them out for all to mourn over, then save the damn body! Every time I pass a cemetery, I'm bewildered. George Carlin said that if want to be serious about recycling, we should start in these cemeteries! What are we going to do, fill the whole Earth with our shed skins?

Now let me state that I'm not saying that feelings of sadness over death are unwarranted. It would still remain a sad time when someone you love left this place before you did....we just don't have to go so nuts over it. My older sister died when I was young, and I used to be so angry and depressed over that. Our society leaves children with little else to feel. But now, I look at it like she just took an earlier train home. And I'll take that same train someday and see her again, because we are one in the same anyway.

Also, in my opinion, the "big business industry" of death needs to be torn down. Just think for a second of how fucking expensive it is to die in this country. It's so ridiculous I can't even stand it. I contemplated all of this a few years ago at my Grandfather's wake/funeral. I sat in that funeral home and watched all of the ridiculous customs while feeling so alienated. Not to mention that this society clings to these outdated/voodoo practices so fiercely that you don't dare say these thoughts aloud. You don't dare not wear black...they'll single you out and make you a target. I'll take a second here to say that if you feel even a little bit the way I do about these things, you'll probably enjoy the movie Harold and Maude. That movie changed my life.

God, the Universe and Everything Else

Tonight I looked into my own eyes and saw a black hole. The deep black surrounded by a galaxy of color.

We've been so blinded. Nature has a design which means there are blueprints. We are not humans studying nature from the outside. We ARE nature. That thought alone opens doors and possibilities.

Does nature expand endlessly into the micro and macro like a fractal? I recently watched a DVD called "God, the Universe and Everything Else" which was a taped discussion between Carl Sagan, Stephen Hawking and Arthur C. Clarke. The average person may find it dull...but when it arrived in my mailbox I felt like a kid on Christmas. It's true that the DVD is from 1988 and the topics they discuss certainly deserve more time and depth...but hey- while I was watching that- you may have been watching Rock of Love or something as equally stupid.

Anyway, Arthur C. Clarke shows a video of a fractal like this one:


It completely blew my mind. It's a very logical contender for explaining the universe. If this is true, dimensional levels continue to make sense. The higher you go into the fractal, the higher you go into the macro and attain more awareness. Do we have a say or an effect on the level we're on? Is there a pass/fail scenario? If so, how do I get to the next level? It seems worth looking into to me. It's better finding out the answer for yourself than rotting on the couch while dissolving your brain via the television and talking endlessly of celebrity trash stories and passing it off as "news" while waiting for someone to come save you. Save yourself. Kill your TV.

Humanity is on the brink of something huge, and all it cares about is killing itself, the deaths of celebrities and things like the status of Jon and Kate Gosselin. The fact that I even know those two people's names is ridiculous. What have they done for the world? And yet, whether I'm in the supermarket or the bookstore I can't fucking escape them.

I'm not joking when I say save yourself and don't watch TV. You get to see what it truly is with a view from the outside. Ever since I moved out of my parents house years ago, I've been free from TV. It's the best thing I could have done for myself. And it's not your fault that you get sucked in. That's what it's designed to do. When I go to my parents house I usually peruse the channels out of curiosity. The brainwashing is astounding! You don't realize it from the inside....but from the outside, it's clear how much of a mind-fuck it all is.

Don't pay them to rape your mind! Choose what you want to watch and find it online. Decide for yourself what you watch and you'll never go back.

You can't win with a losing hand

Fireworks are going off outside. The noise actually scared me and made me realize how little we celebrate anything worthwhile. It seems silly to me how people celebrate the fourth of July with such conviction. Borders and patriotism makes no sense to me. They mean absolutely nothing and only reflect how much we divide ourselves.

Divide, categorize, scrutinize, fear...kill.

Bill Hicks said brilliant things about patriotism.


There is no meaning in being proud of the country your parents happened to fuck in. And people get so crazy about the 4th. Any mention of these things will usually start an argument or a heated discussion. Which is exactly what happened to me last year.

Each year I spend time thinking about the natives to this land and their dark history with the white faced man from across the ocean. My soul swells with sympathy for them. With such a brutal and bloody past- what gives rise to such celebration each year? And is celebrating "Thanksgiving" supposed to make up for it? Give the natives back what was stolen and then I'll be celebrating.

So last year I brought up these facts in conversation and was scoffed at. This person proceeded to spit out phrases like "survival of the fittest" and "they deserved it". A flame of anger ignited in me just reliving the conversation. But I know I shouldn't feel anger- everyone has a right to their own opinion and it doesn't really matter if it matches my own. I just happen to feel a deep connection with Native Americans.

I wish I could run away with a tribe so I could live in a decent society which teaches the things that matter.

It's Such a Good Vibration

The brain collapses consciousness about 40 times a second. Reality is like a moving picture. This makes me think of brain waves- a graph of our states of consciousness. Brain frequencies remind me that we're vibrating on a very specific level. The idea of dimensions in the universe resembling scales of music and vibration makes sense.

When we change our vibration, we'll get a different experience. Is this what the energy does in the Great Pyramid? Were they raising their vibration by lying beneath the energy beam? (If you have no idea what I'm referring to here, look into Drunvalo Melchizedek's work).

The Mer-Ka-Ba meditation also makes sense when contemplating these things. Having a spinning energy field should certainly raise our vibrations. And here's where I got "Good Vibrations" by Marky Mark stuck in my head. Ugh.

This Body Holding Me

Terrance McKenna is my newest teacher/spirit guide/hero. The first lecture of his I listened to was called "what science forgot". I'm completely hooked and I highly recommend listening to him. You can download his talks for free from pod casts on itunes. I was always given the impression that he was just some guy who liked to get loaded on mushrooms...so I wasn't interested. This however, is not the case. If you're even a little interested in culture, philosophy, language, the arts, and discovering the nature of reality...do yourself a favor and listen to McKenna. He was truly a shaman to our culture.

I wonder if we are merely consciousness with free will. If this is the case, it would be logical to assume that there is consciousness without free will. That which simply goes along for the ride. This invokes the possible perspective of the plant world, the Earth, solar systems, galaxies, universes, a cell, an atom, mushrooms, cannabis. Things different from us but equally accessing consciousness.

Maybe consciousness is something of a separate existence that we're progressively tapping into with our evolving brains. Or is consciousness in the process of coming back in on itself? Did consciousness expand out creating physical form to experience itself in an infinite number of ways...making all things connected and making possibilities infinite?

If you convince yourself enough to believe that you are NOT your body- you are what is manifesting THROUGH this human body...consciousness...things will look a lot differently to you. Goals seem to change, truths become apparent, the important things seem to correlate out of chaos and into coherency.

Help me Obi Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope

If I had free time, I'd build an engine that runs on water. It can and is being done. With my ideas of time changing so radically lately, it seems ludicrous to say "if I had free time", but there you have it.

Reading about these water engines had me thinking of shapes and the universe. This reality is all geometry and shape. The patterns of basic elements and the way they bond together...cell replication....shapes, geometry, mathematics.

Mostly empty space, with energy flashing in and out of existence. This makes me seriously consider the possibility of the universe being a hologram of some sort. We may very well exist in a hologram of another existence. I can't help but think of Star Wars here. But if anything, I would assume that it would be a hologram of our own doing.

Dimensions seem clearer to me when I think of the spectrum of light and outer space. So vast and empty...yet not empty at all. In a hologram, any one piece contains the whole. This correlates to the mystics who say the kingdom of God is inside you. We don't necessarily need to explore "out there" with machines. We only need to turn inward to find the same answers.

We are blind to most light. If the spectrum of all light is a yard stick, the amount we can see with our eyes is less than a half inch. It makes sense in terms of a "low level"....slower vibration...dense. But we only go up from here, into a new "stage"- a higher frequency. Becoming more and more aware. Just because we can't see something, doesn't mean anything in this light.