Changes come

Is it weird that I don't really miss him?
I was 19 years old. That feels like eons ago to me now.

I tried on his life, his friends, his opinions.
You don't buy what doesn't fit you.

I hope he's ok, wherever he is...
but I've finally climbed out of the hole I had sunk into.

When people ask me how I'm doing now, I say fuckin' great.

Cyberethnicpharmacology

Upheavals and moving into a new place has left me little time for reading lately.

But I've decided to jump-start the fairly obsessive habit I have for devouring books in search of knowledge on the unknowable, by reading The Invisible Landscape by Terence and Dennis McKenna.

Seriously, someone once thought I needed an intervention...

Not that I needed convincing buying the book, but the quotes on it sold me.

"One of the most mind-boggling books I've ever read." - Jerry Garcia

"If only a fraction of McKenna's thought is true, he will some-day be regarded as the Copernicus of consciousness..." -The Village Voice

I agree.

Haunted

The reason for my mood.
She's been inside me.

Bloodlust

I need energy in the tune of a beating heart.
I'm bleeding heavily and struggling to remain intact.
It's difficult to ask so I remain silent.
Don't be surprised when you find me.

Semi Constructive Criticism

You can attempt to tear me to shreds, but I'm still standing.

Thoughts on Birth and Disease

Recently everyone around me is seemingly pregnant. Due to the fact that I have an extremely large family, I have all of the stories and details readily available.

I've never been pregnant or given birth, so that puts me on the outside of this issue looking in. But it seems to me that we have completely lost touch with the natural process of birth.

For years now I've been contemplating this issue and have been extremely interested in alternatives...midwifery, water births, etc. And recently, I've watched a documentary called "The Business of Being Born" which renewed my interest ten-fold. I myself, will probably never reproduce, but I feel it's important to spread the message to others who will.

"The Business of Being Born" shows how our society has taken a natural process and authentic rite of passage, and turned it into a medical emergency that the female body cannot handle alone.

How then, do these people assume the human race- nay, life itself, has evolved thus far?

I am not saying that the process of natural birth is always easy and pain free, but I feel it's an authentic experience that most women are missing out on. We've numbed ourselves to the point of not wanting to feel anything. If we feel the slightest discomfort, we take a pill. If we experience emotional lows, we take more pills, or attempt to drown it out with drugs and alcohol. How can we expect to be fully rounded human beings without being aware and working through our own processes?

It's sad that the most popular type of birth in the U.S. is a "designer birth", a scheduled cesarean section immediately followed with a tummy tuck. We're literally ripping our young from our bodies, whether they are ready or not. And it's been studied and documented that women who have cesareans are not as emotionally attached to their child as those who go through vaginal birth.

I implore you women who plan to have a child, to take back your power, stay out of the damn hospital, and trust your own body. You will know what to do. All of your ancestors did.

If you trust hospitals to heal and save us, you have not been given all the information. I have refused medical care and health insurance for years now. If you can't understand why, look into it for yourself. The medical industry in America is big business, with money to be made. There are people getting fat and rich off of your misery and loss.

If you haven't seen Michael Moore's movie "Sicko", I highly recommend you do. Also, I just watched a very informative documentary called, "The Gerson Miracle". This one shows how horrible diseases including cancer are cured every single day, through natural diet and detoxification. It's interesting to note that this method, though it is completely natural and harmless, is illegal in this country!

When will we turn ourselves around and realize we do more harm than good to ourselves and each other? The medical industry should NOT be a money producing conglomerate. When did the focus shift from healing? I wouldn't even go to a hospital to die, never mind get well. Granted, some good can come from their discoveries and practices, such as certain surgeries, etc. But it still needs to be redressed and reworked.

Don't Dither While Rome Burns

"In a way, it’s the poets that have failed us. Because they have not provided a song or sung a vision that we could all move in concert to. So now we are in the absurd position of being able to do anything, and what we are doing is fouling our own nest and pushing ourselves towards planetary toxification and extinction. This is because the poets, the artists, have not articulated a moral vision. The moral vision must come from the unconscious. It doesn’t have to do, I believe, with these post-meaning movements in art; deconstructionism and this sort of thing. Arts task is to save the soul of mankind, and that anything less is a dithering while Rome burns... because if the artists, who are self-selected for being able to journey into the "other", if the artist cannot find the way, then the way cannot be found."
- Terence Mckenna, part of a lecture titled "Opening the Doors of Creativity"

If you understand what Terence is saying here, then you can appreciate why Maynard James Keenan and his projects are important.

I truly believe that he is one of the few who point the way with their medium. Just like the mushroom, if you're brave enough to take his ideas in high doses, you'll experience the effect. Now let me clarify that it does not mean we are free to ingest his essence as we please. It's only his art that we need take from. Leave the artist free to do his work. Isn't it extremely selfish to ask for more?

Now I know that there will be some who will roll their eyes, assuming I'm simply idolizing. But before you do, make sure that you are not judging without valid information. You cannot judge an artist by his fans. Those who follow blindly are not the important thing to focus on here. Instead, turn the spotlight onto what he has to say.

I also know that Maynard does not want to wear a crown for these people, or anyone. This fact alone should lend credence to his credulity. Anyone who claims allegiance without being deeply immersed in the subversive...sacred geometry, archaic science and shamanism, psychedelics, magic, male and female polarity, political hypocrisy, and the like...should not be used as an instrument of measurement.

This, I believe, is the unfortunate predicament these artists have found themselves in. Hell, I'd be bitter and reclusive about it too.

People didn't understand Jesus either. So they fuckin' crucified him.

I have built this to remember...

Upon going through old things that I've saved, I stumbled upon two poems written for me years ago. Tears welled in my eyes. The author is an old friend, Julie. Someone who was only in my life for a short period of time. And if I'd known it would be so short, I would have soaked up more. She was truly a guiding shaman in my time of greatest need. I love and respect her more than she knows.

I watch thoughts claw their way to the surface inside you
Only to be met with submission
In your eyes I am compelled to recall the sensation of drowning
The rhythmic reclamation of so much water
You are the cage and the captured
The selchie and the skin
Within you a thousand wings are beating
And I have built this to remember the occasional phrases that slip
And with the fever of their release
Surround us like a sudden season

-J

What part of yourself are you protecting
With evasion and silent smiles
What wound still open and seething
On your skin would you not allow to be seen
Although it would be the part I'd most adore
First to be held
First to be loved
Even in these casual exchanges
I am thinking of it with reverence
The pain that is the source of all your power in my eyes

-J

When I met Jules, I felt like a lost little girl in the presence of a wild and powerful Priestess. One who was stern yet gentle and kind. She taught me more things of value in such a short time, than I had learned from anyone previously.

At the time, I thought I was just lucky to have caught her attention. Now I believe she saw something in me that I didn't even know was there. I'd hoped it was there...but never really believed it.

I struggle to remember if I was ever truly myself in front of her. There's something about intimidation and being in the presence of something holy, that makes me quiet. It's like I was holding my breath, waiting for the gold to be released from her mouth in words, or her hands in art. And I would take my treat like a dog, and sit quietly waiting for another.

She must have thought I was such a bore. Such a lost child. I only hope someday, I can redeem myself.

Jules also owns the most lovely pair of hands I've ever seen.

10 things you may not know.

1. Though I love all animals, I'm a total cat person.

This is Blah's cat who loved me a lot.

The black one is my own buddy Chainsaw. And next is my spiritual friend Princess (who's original name was Machete, but she seemed to only respond to Princess).

2. I don't waste my breath talking to people who don't listen. If I'm telling a story and I am interrupted without apology or cause, I don't finish the story. Have you noticed that many people in fact, do not listen at all? They seem to be only waiting for their turn to speak. I do not enjoy these people's company.

3. I have a bad habit of never looking at strangers. I feel as if I've been trained to avert my eyes. For instance, if I buy something in a convenience store, and you asked me what the person at the counter looked like...most times I would have to say "I don't know". I'm working on this daily.

4. When I was a child, my greatest fears were death, aliens and giving birth. As an adolescent, my greatest fears were possession and being alone. As an adult, I can honestly say that nothing really scares me anymore.

5. I have a good time manipulating the ideas of beauty.

6. I do not enjoy sleeping alone.

7. I think people should dress up more. I'm sick of seeing people in pajamas at the grocery store. Am I old fashioned? Come on, just make an effort people... It's like we've just given up.

8. Eric Hoffer once said that rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength. I fully agree. I do not tolerate rudeness.

9. I hate that I'm addicted to coffee and want to quit...but then what will I have left in terms of small indulgences?

10. All of my spiritual beliefs are based on science. I stand directly in the center where science and spirit meet.

And that's the end of your lesson for today.

Shut up and smoke that.

Everyone should see this movie. Period. Seriously, I'm considering sending it to my grandparents.

Very well done, eye opening and intelligent. I didn't expect much going into it...but was very pleasantly surprised. Just watch the trailer:


And say what you want, but I like Joe Rogan.

Oh, also...if you're smart enough to smoke pot, then you'll love Bill Hicks:

Enlightening AND Entertaining!

Current book wish-list:
Every single comic book released by Gotham Chopra (Deepak's son). I stumbled across The Sadhu at a comic store and read parts one and two on the spot. Not only is the story amazing and rich with wisdom, the art is dark and beautiful.


Apparently, The Sadhu is being made into a movie with Nicholas Cage. I'm extremely excited.

From Ramayan:


From Devi: